thank you, come again

Above picture: Token looking-through-the-airport-window-out-at-your-plane shot

Bangalore.

Mumbai.

Frankfurt.

Los Angeles.

Oakland.

Windsor.

Four flights.

One car ride.

Fourty-two hours.

Home, sweet home.

stomachs, taste buds and south Indian cuisine: a much abridged tour of the greats foods I have been eating

Above picture: The Staple

Chapati and dal is a staple of the south Indian diet. The chapatis are like tortillas, but different. And, dal is the same thing as curry.

Rice and dal is also a staple of the south Indian diet.

Here’s the south Indian rule: Either you scoop up some dal with your chapati and eat it or you mix some dal into your rice and eat it.

You will never find a South Indian mixing some rice and dal and then scooping the mixture up with their chapatti and eating it all in the same bite. It’s just an unsaid rule that all South Indians learned when they were little and for some reason they have never found the combination of the three to be very good.

I, on the other hand, find the combination of the three to be quite good. So, I frequently break this unsaid rule. When I first got here, this rule-breaking solicited helpful suggestions on how to properly eat chapatti, rice and dal from waiters or whoever I was eating my meal with.

They quickly found that I was a lost cause.
Above picture: Little white wads of wonder

Idlis and chutney are one of those you-can-eat-them-at-any-meal foods. You can find people eating the wads of steamed rice-paste breakfast, lunch and dinner.

They look simple to make but they aren’t. You have to make the rice-paste the day before and let it congeal over the night. In the morning, or whenever you want to make them, you then take the congealed rice-paste, wad it, steam it and serve it.

Above picture: Marry me, dosa

Not enough can be said about dosa. I have no idea why it hasn’t invaded dinner tables all around the world. It looks like a pancake, but is made of rice and tastes much better.

It also comes in many different forms, plain dosa, set dosa, masala dosa and onion dosa, just to name a few.

Above picture: The napkin says it all (seriously, look)

If these people can get their kaati roll-based franchise going, McDonalds should be very scared.

Kaati rolls look like some sort of soft taco/burrito hybrid. This is very true but their ingredients are all Indian.

Above picture: "Southside, represent"

The thali meal is the definitive Indian restaurant food. At restaurants, you can almost always choose between a North Indian meal and a South Indian meal. Whatever you choose, North or South, it will come on a thali which is the partitioned plate.

North Indians eat more wheat-based meals and South Indians eat more rice-based meals. That’s the easiest way to explain the difference between the two basic thali meals in one sentence.

Lesson of the day: If you don’t get sick, you will gain weight.

see Ganesh carried by a frenzied mob, see Ganesh introduced to some water, see Ganesh drown

Above picture: He has accepted his fate

After visiting Hyderabad and seeing the fervent kick-off of the annual Ganesh Festival, I couldn’t help but catch “Ganesh” fever.

What made it worse was me learning about the infamous, and polluting, Ganesh dunkings that take place at all sizable bodies of water in the days ensuing the festival’s kick-off.

Unfortunately, my place is not very close to any sizable bodies of water, so at night I would just teasingly listen to the fireworks, loud music and yelling mobs as they carried some poor Ganesh to his watery end.

Above picture: Looks like he’s waving good-bye, huh?

As the days passed, I got more and more worried that I wouldn’t get to take in any good Ganesh-baptisms-gone-wrong viewings.

At work, I would question my colleagues on if they saw any good Ganesh drownings.

Above picture: Final farewells

Thankfully, over the weekend I was in a different part of thecity and came across a frenzied crowd carry a Ganesh down to one of Bangalore’s dirty water-holders.

The people were so happy and, at the same time, so serious about the whole process of dunking Ganesh. Supposedly, there is an exact science to it which is rigorously followed by all dunkers.

Picture above: Ganesh goes down like a gentleman

Lesson of the day: Don’t dress like a colorful elephant-god in early-September.

inflexible joints, yogi masters raised in the Himalayans and blissing out

Above picture: The yogi master Bharat Thakur

Supposedly, he is a world reknown yogi master.

Above picture: Learning the way of the yogi?

Bharat Thakur was in Bangalore to give four lessons at four different places. One of the places was a golf & country club where one of the Bridge Foundation's trustees has a membership. So, I was able to become Bharat's disciple for one night.

~

The guy acted like a total rockstar and showed up 45 minutes late. While we waited, one of his apprentices tried to explain to us that "Bharat never prepares for lessons, instead he just shows up and teaches whatever comes to him". Right.

When he showed up he went straight into to his free-flowing teaching, without giving so much as an acknowledgement or apology for his tardiness. It didn't seem very yogi-like.

~

Bharat went on to tell us that his parents died soon after his birth. He said that after their deaths, he was taken to the Himalayans and raised by yogi masters.

He also told us that he meditates eight hours a day.

By the end of the night, Bharat had taken us through the abridged history, the basic positions and all the practical reasons for doing yoga.

Above picture: Me, blissed out of my mind

the amusing mash-up that was my Persian (?) dinner

Above picture: The place it all went down

Every night I try to choose a new restaurant to eat at. Since, Indians like their Indian food and there is plenty of variety within Indian foods, there are not too many non-Indian restaurants around Bangalore. This means that I eat Indian foods at least 99% of the time. By all means this is not a bad thing. Indian food is wonderful and I am really going to miss it. I am scared to think what food back home is going to taste like after I’ve gotten accustomed to such strong, pungent, spicy and hot food, breakfast, lunch and dinner.

~

Here in India they do everything very Indian-like. I am going to go ahead and say that it is definitely the most distinct culture in the world. You might see what Indians call “Western” influence here and there, but it always some sort of Indian twist. I find the complete Indian-ness to be very amusing. I walk through the city streets at night and constantly remarking to myself, “Wow, that is so Indian.”

All this Indian-ness makes anything non-Indian wildly hilarious to me. When I come across something non-Indian, its non-Indian-ness is magnified to extreme size for me.

Let me share a situation with you. Warning: It’s long but good.

~

The other night I was walking down one of Bangalore’s more commercial streets, Church Street, where they have one great restaurant after another. As I walked along I came across a Persian restaurant. I don’t think I have ever been to a Persian restaurant so I decided to check it out. The outside displays professed “Persian Bites” and “Persian Kebabs”, which both sounded great, even with me being such a staunch vegetarian.

Who can say that they had their first Persian food experience in India, right?

So, I walked in and the mash-up began.

All the servers and cooks appeared to be Nepalese/Chinese. One of the Nepalese guys brought me a menu. As the outside displays claimed they had plenty of Persian bites and kebabs to choose from. They also had a burger and pizza section that spanned twice that of the Persian section.

After seeing the enormous burger and pizza section I decided to take a quick scan of what the other patrons were eating. They all seemed to be eating burgers. And the burgers looked of In-and-Out quality.

I decided to follow the trend and choose something from the burger section. In the burger section, I came across a “veggie” burger and decided to go for it.

As I waited for my veggie burger I spotted an Arabic/Midde Eastern family eating some burgers. They caught my eye (a) because they weren’t Indian and (b) because their daughter was extremely beautiful. Because of both (a) and (b), but mostly (b), I found myself observing the family. The grandmother, mother, and daughter were all wearing traditional clothing with cloth over their heads and the two sons were both wearing Diesel.

I found this mash-up of the woman wearing traditional and the male wearing modern, fashionable clothes to be quite common among Indian couples.

My veggie burger came and it was probably one of the best veggie burgers I have ever had. This is coming from a life-long Adventist who has had many delicious, homemade veggie burgers.

As I ate my veggie burger I watched the Nepalese/Chinese servers, observed the Arabic family and listened to the music playing in the restaurant.

The music that played kept switching between Indian pop and random American pop from the past and present.

I felt weird eating my veggie burger in a Persian restaurant while Shania Twain played over the speakers. It was even weirder when Mercy Me’s “I Can Only Imagine” started playing.

To top it all off, just as I was finishing my burger, three very obese Indian teenagers busted through the restaurant’s doors wearing shorts. The largest of the three went up to the host’s counter and barked loudly, “Do ya got any sweets?!” The host and all of us patrons were taken back by the guy’s abruptness. We were even more taken back by his hilarious-because-he-was-so-overweight inquiry.

You do not see many obese individuals here in India and you see almost zero people wearing shorts, except for tourists.

As soon as the situation unfolded I knew that it was going to be bad. I tried my best to stifle my laughter. I was successful at first because none of my friends from back home were with me (that would’ve been lethal). But, my success quickly turned to failure as I looked over at the two Arabic guys and one of them gave me a that-was-hilarious look. I reciprocated the acknowledgment of the hilarity and then soon found myself jamming the last of my burger into my mouth to stop the laughter.

The restaurant’s host politely informed the young men that they didn’t have any sweets but that they had a great burger section.

Lesson of the day: Non-Indian-ness is pretty amusing in a very “Indian” India

the art of the free auto-rickshaw ride

Above picture: Someone not getting a free ride

It took me awhile to figure out how to do this but it works like a charm. If you remember an earlier posting "july 20: dark secreys revealed, vol. 1" I explained how the fine goods emporium (glorified souvenir shop) below my room operates a backdoor money-making scheme in cooperation with local auto-rickshaw and taxi drivers.

The basic idea of the scheme: If an auto-rickshaw driver brings a tourist or foreign businessperson to the souvenir shop than he can go to the back of the shop while the tourist/businessperson is shopping and collect a Rs 50 payment.

The auto-rickshaw drivers love the scheme and if you let them they will drive you to like 10 different souvenir shops.

~

So, here's how to get a free auto-rickshaw ride in Bangalore in 10 easy steps:

1. You need to look like a tourist or foreign businessperson. It's the only way it works. Thankfully, I really look like a tourist.

2. Live near a commercial part of the city (which I do). This is where the auto-rickshaw drivers pick up their "easy money".

3. Know which streets have well-known souvenir shops. This is extremely important because you want the auto-rickshaw driver to take you to a souvenir shop that is near where you actually want to go.

4. Walk up to a line of auto-rickshaws in the commercial part of the city and wait for an auto-rickshaw driver to accost you and ask you where you want to go.

5. Tell the auto-rickshaw driver that you want to go to "x" souvenir shop. Make sure that "x" souvenir shop is near where you actually want to go. This is extremely important.

6. Wait for the auto-rickshaw driver's eyes to light up and tell you that the ride is free. He tells you that the ride will be for free because he knows he will be getting paid at the other end. Also, because after the first stop he will want to take you to at least 10 more shops.

7. Act surprised by the auto-rickshaw driver's generosity and re-state that you want to go to "x" souvenir shop because you want to buy something there. It is very crucial that he understands that you are going to buy something at "x" souvenir shop because it guarantees that you will get to where you actually want to go. The reason that telling him this guarantees that you will go where you want to go is that he also get a 10% commission on whatever you buy at the shop. So, if you don't tell him that you are going to buy something at "x" souvenir shop he will most likely take you to some other souvenir shop instead.

8. On arriving at "x" souvenir shop, the driver will tell you that he will wait for you and give you another free ride to wherever you want to go. Note: As long as it's another shop.

9. Casually, enter and exit the souvenir shop. Be nice and allow the driver enough time to finalize his backdoor payment.

10. After exiting the shop explain to the auto-rickshaw driver that you will no longer be needing his services. Be prepared for some hassling, as he will definitely want to keep the good times rolling.

Lesson of the day: It pays to live upstairs from a souvenir shop's sleazy backdoor-payment operation.

Hyderabad wandering, peer pressure from 20 women, and making $0.20 a day

Above picture: Fun game: Try to find Andrew

I took the night train to Hyderabad last week and was there for about five days. I spent my days while there travelling around to different villages pre-testing my survey on very poor women who run their own businesses.

It was the second such trip that I have taken since being here in India. Each trip has blown my mind on what such small-scale the extreme poor work at. They have the same entreprenuerial spirit and determination that any other businessperson has, just not the same resources.

~

After their group interview, the women in the above picture tried to get me drunk. No joke.

They brought out a bottle of their favorite homemade village concoction, "toddy" juice, and promptly urged me to partake. I had previously heard how people foreign to the "toddy" juice get violently ill, fast. So, I tried to politely say "no, thank you".

They didn't understand. They kept getting more and more urgent about me drinking the stuff. They got so excited about me drinking their "toddy" that my hosts, TBF's Hyderabad staff, had to intermediate.

Even after the intermediation the women kept going strong. So, I decided to quell their chanting with a small sip.

This made them very happy.

~

One of my stops brought me to a semi-urban village where I came across some women who made Rs 9 a day. That is the equivalent to roughly $o.20 a day. And, these women had normal day-to-day jobs making yarn for saree weaving.

Lesson of the day: Beware of the "toddy" juice. Cute name, ferocious bite.

august 27: Ganesh freakout time

Above picture: An uncharacteristically monochromatic Mr. Ganesh

I was in Hyderabad this last week and throughout the week colorful, elephant-headed god statues started lining the streets by the thousands. Every day more and more Ganesh statues appeared. Some of them were 3-feet high and some of them were up to 12-feet high.

At first, I thought it was Hyderabad's "thing". Like, it was their main export. Seriously. There were thousands of these elephant-god things lining the main roads.

My host, the head of TBF's Hyderabad branch, saw that I was confused by all of the colorful, gigantic elephant-guys. So, he explained that the Ganesh Festival was coming up and that Hindus buy these gods to put in front of their houses.

~

I joked with my host telling him that I wanted to buy one of the 6-foot high Ganeshs. I told him that I wanted to take one back to Bangalore with me.

He politely explained that it might be kind of impossible to take a 6-foot high Ganesh back to Bangalore.

~

Here's the kicker: The Ganesh Festival started on Sunday. As soon as someone is tired of their elephant-man, which I am told takes anywhere from one day-to-two weeks, they carry it to the closest body of water and drown it.

You can just imagine the amount of pollution this causes to the small city lakes of places like Hyderabad and Bangalore. The people here in the office tell me that it quite the sight to see thousands of Ganeshs drowned in Bangalore's small lakes.

I am looking forward to catching a couple of Ganesh immersions.

Lesson of the Day: Supposedly, it's impossible to take 6-foot high elephant-headed gods with you on the train from Hyderabad to Bangalore.

i wish i knew Kannada

Above picture: Whoa!

I really hope that this bulletin posting (the one with the guy holding the blade and the head) is in the same vane as the ridiculous tabloids I find while waiting in line at Safeway back home. Because that would be bad if this guy is roaming the streets of Bangalore.

Lesson of the day: Learn Kannada before visiting Bangalore

august 15: my other Independence Day, part 2 - whistles instead of sticks, bubble men and Irishman-mobbing

Above picture: If you didn’t get hit by a stick

At Lalbagh, if you took too long looking at a beautiful flower exhibit then a) police officer with a stick would show up and start swinging or b) young security guard with a whistle would show up and start blowing it right in your ear and tell you to move on.

Above picture: Making people happy one bubble at a time

Lalbagh had “bubble” men all over the place working their magic, making the young and old smile.

Above picture: Viva India

Above picture: Yet another mobbing of the Irishman

I met this fair-skinned fellow at the Parikrma Foundation. He is spending the summer teaching photography workshops at Parikrma schools.

Before he arrived in Bangalore he spent a couple of weeks touring around Palestine with some of his Irish friends. The guy is super intense. I have been thoroughly questioned on the motives behind providing micro-finance to the poor (Note: He doesn’t buy it).

Anyways, because of him we were mobbed by groups of young Indian boys all day. I don’t know why but young Indian men love scrappy-looking Irishmen. He told me that people come up to him all the time and ask for his picture.

A couple of times the Irishman-mobbing crowd got a little too big and I would get “sloppy seconds” a plenty.

Lesson of the day: Don’t travel in India with scrappy-looking Irishman.

august 15: my other Independence Day, part 1 - an Irishman, large sticks hitting people, and giraffes

Above picture: Ol’ Orange, White and Green

I have a dark secret to reveal… I did nothing on Independence Day (American).

On the 4^th of July, I was at the Bridge Foundation busily working away at my computer. Around noontime, I happened to look over at a calendar and saw that it was the 4^th of July. I didn’t know what to do. I always take part in some kind of 4^th of July celebration.

For a second, I thought about what I should do, shrugged, and then went back to work. I completely did nothing on my country’s Independence Day.

~

India’s Independence Day is a huge deal. Independence Day in the US is a huge deal, too. So, I spent the 15^th of August comparing who makes a bigger deal of their Independence Day. If you think about it, both our Independence Days celebrate the same thing, our freedom from the British.

Above picture: Indian History for Dummies or the Idiot’s Guide to Indian History

I began my celebration of India’s independence from the British by going to one of Parikrma’s schools. There the students put on a presentation of India’s history.

After the presentation, I went to Lalbagh with an Irishman.

Lalbagh is the home of the Botanical Gardens, so it is one of the only places where vegetation still grows in Bangalore. On the 15^th of August, you can find food and flowers from all over India in Lalbagh. You can also find a large portion of Bangalore’s human population.

Above picture: And they aren’t afraid to use them

There were many events happening in Bangalore on the 15^th of August. I decided to go to the place where police and security guards hit people with large sticks, Lalbagh.

In the center of Lalbagh is a glass house that the British built. It is, ironically, the main attraction in Lalbagh. The Glass House holds beautiful creations made entirely of flowers. Everyone wants to get into the glass house.

The problem is that not everyone can get into the glass house at the same time because there is only one entrance, three exits, and hundreds of thousands of people.

The police and security guards hit people with sticks to keep them away from the exits, which people ingeniously use as entrances.

I was at one of these “alternative entrances” for about 30 minutes watching people get hit with large sticks. It was some of the best entertainment I’ve got in a long time.

Above pictures: Worth a stick-beating

The Irishman and I didn’t want to wait in the long entrance queue and we didn’t want to get hit with sticks. Luckily, we found a great alternative: bribery. And, the money wasn't coming out of either of our pockets.

Here’s how it worked. We observed men walking up to security guards in the crowd, handing them money, and then watching the security guard lead the man and his family through the swinging sticks and into the exit. So, we just joined the next family that paid the bribe.

~

When we got into the Glass House we found beautiful flower arrangements and people taking pictures in front of giraffes made entirely of flowers.

Lesson of the day: The Glass House is definitely worth all the bribery, stick-beatings, and long entrance lines.

august 13: whole lotta dam

Above pictures: One beautiful slab of water-blocking concrete.

The last stop of my tour of Mysore took me to this dam, which is known as the Brindavan Gardens Dam. The dam was built to redirect water for land irrigation.

The smart people of Mysore also decided to turn their dam into a national tourist destination. At the dam, there are beautiful gardens, posh hotels and nightly light-and-water shows. There are also plenty of good eats and a 7''8 Indian man raking in plenty of pay-to-take-a-picture-with-me dough.

The smart people of Mysore didn’t stop there with the ideas. They decided that their dam is such a tourist destination that they would charge an extra fee to bring in a camera. In fact, the charge for bringing in a camera is three times the charge for human entrance.

You can tell me if it was worth it.

Lesson of the day: Mysoreans are full of ideas

august 12: bonus behind-the-scenes tours of palaces, giant swords, and men holding cobras

Above picture: Mysore Palace

I went to Mysore the "City of Palaces" this weekend and saw all the big sights. Mysore Palace was one of the highlights. It had great architecture, inside and out.

~

While walking around the Palace's exterior, I ran into some young Indian boys. They explained that they lived on the Palace's premises because their mother made incense for Palace burning.

They then proceeded to take me on a behind-the-scenes tour. The tour included an elephant stable, a quick stop at the incense shop and views of the Palace most paying tourists don't get.

Above picture: Not the best way to hold a cobra.

The man holding the sword is like twenty-feet high. He guards the entrance of the Chamundi Hills temple against tourists and worshippers.

~

I really wanted to climb him.

Above picture: Doing his thing.

I got off the tour bus and was making my way to the Chamundi Hills temple when I came across this visual.

I stared at it for a long time trying to make sense of what it was trying to tell me. I gave up and asked a group of young men to explain it to me. They did.

I will leave you to your own interpretation.

Lesson of the day: Indians are very helpful in explaining their culture. Seriously.

august 11: dead sultans, cocky British generals, and mullets

Above picture: The Sultan of Tippu's bachelor pad

A young sultan lived in this nice turquoise home. He was well-loved sultan who ruled with an iron-fist. At least that's what the plaques that explained the history of the place told me.

Above picture: A closer look at the pad.

The Sultan of Tippu supposedley ruled a large portion of the Southern India before the British showed up.

The paintings in the house had a tragically humorous sequence.

They first showed the young sultan in his virile prime ruling his territory. Second, they showed him heroically fighting the British. Third, there were like ten different paintings showing him on his death bed being swooned over by his maids and servants (after being defeated by the British). Finally, there were a whole bunch of paintings of British generals posing in the newly conquered home of the Sultan. All the British generals had these really cocky smirks on their faces.

Above picture: Alive and well

I guess the mullet has spread to all corners of the globe. It put a warm feeling in my belly to see that the mullet is alive and well in India. I didn't expect to come across the mullet here, but I did and it made me feel good.

Lesson of the day: Never underestimate the culture-hopping power of the mullet.

one thumb up, thunder, and leather jackets

Above picture: Only the best soda brand name ever.

When I first got here I kept seeing billboards and advertisements for this soda. I was sold after seeing the first advertisement. The name is just too good.

I am by no means a soda fan. Coca-Cola and friends is not my cup of tea. I’ll always take a cup of juice over a soda.

So, when I ordered a Thums Up at my next meal I was a bit skeptical of how it would actually taste. It had a great name, but I was pretty sure it was going to taste like any other caramel-colored soda. It did.

Above picture: Do they come any better?

After seeing this small billboard Thums Up will forever be seared into my brain. It has a guy wearing a leather jacket crouched beside his Harley holding an ice-cold bottle of Thums Up. At the same time, it is daring you to “Taste the Thunder”.

Their tagline “Taste the Thunder” works in so many different ways. First of all, I’m sure everyone is curious to find out what thunder tastes like. Second of all, soda companies spend millions of dollars on marketing every year trying to infuse their brands with “sexy”, “youthful”, “cool”, and a little “danger”. So, I am sure Thums Up’s logo and tagline are saving them tons of money.

~

I have a small suggestion for Thums Up. They need to put two thumbs in their logo, instead of the current one thumb. Because they are that good.

Lesson of the day: Thunder tastes like caramel-colored, carbonated sugar-water.

you would think some things would just go unsaid

Above picture: One refreshingly frank Public Service Announcement. And, yes, those are swastikas. They are a sign for "good luck" in the Hindu culture.

I am sorry about all the bathroom-oriented postings lately. But here goes another one.

~

I am surprised I haven't seen more Public Service Announcements on the topic of public urination. Because public urination is rampant here in Bangalore. People don't think twice before stepping off the sidewalk and relieving themselves.

I'll be walking to lunch and a guy will casually turn away from the road and go for it... while he's talking on his cellphone. It's so casual.

And this doesn't just happen in certain parts of the city, I have seen people do it off of MG Road, one of the most commercial, popular areas in town.

~

I actually don't mind the public urination so much. Sure it stinks, but since public restrooms are hard to come by it makes it easier for me. Yes, I do partake in the occasional giving of nitrogen back to the earth. Don't judge me.

Lesson of the day: It's most likely not rain water.

contracting horrible diseases, engineering degrees, and yellow-and-blue kitchens

Above picture: Where all the magic happens.

This is the Bridge Foundation's kitchen. I make my breakfast here early in the morning before anyone arrives. How do I get in? TBF trusted me with an office key, since I live so close.

~

The main reason for posting a picture of myself in TBF's office kitchen was to show my mom that I am healthy. She swore that I was going to lose at least 25-plus pounds. She also predicted that I was going to contract some horrible diseases (yes, plural).

~

The skillet I have in my hand should provide you with some scale. It is a normal-sized skillet. So, if you want to see how thick or skinny I am, pull out a normal-sized skillet, and use it to compare against yourself in relation to the picture of me.

If it sounds to complex, it is. You will probably need an engineering degree to figure it out.

Lesson of the day: Andrew is healthy.

or

Lesson of the day: Engineering degrees are hard to come by.

july 23: more information than you wanted to know, vol. 1

Above picture: I apologize ahead of time

I will personally guide you through this picture. As you can see, that is a toilet. But it isn't any 'ol toilet, it's my toilet. I was warned by plenty of people before I got here that I would be huddled over it frequently, feeling very sick.

So far I haven't gotten sick once. Boo-yah!

Before you tell me to "knock on wood", I just want you to know that I have said this fact outloud many a time. So save your "knock on wood" warnings for someone else.

~

Now that you have sufficiently studied the place where I do my bowel thing, let's get to the information you probably don't care to hear.

I am sure that you noticed the bucket-and-scoop contraption to the left of the toilet when you were doing your deep study of the picture. Well, that my friends is my "toilet paper". It is what I call the "poor man's bidet".

In India, they don't have bidets or, for the most part, toilet paper. They use the street method, the hole-in-the-floor method, the toilet with a bucket-and-scoop-of-water method, or, the best, the toilet-and-spray-nozzle method. The toilet-and-spray-nozzle is by far the best post-BM cleaning method I have ever tried. And I think I have tried them all.

I really wish I had the spray nozzle system for my personal toilet. As you can see, I only have the bucket-and-a-scoop-of-water system.

~

To tell you the truth, using the scoop is kind of tricky. First of all, the scoop is so large that it is hard to work with. Second of all, once you have water in the scoop it is very hard to project it out in a way that takes care of the job. I could easily go into more detail, but I think I will leave it at that.

Lesson of the day: Make sure you accurately project the water out of the scoop, else you will have some very wet pants.

july 22: who wants to get a devil-head from me as their souveniur gift?

Above picture: Your doing exactly what he wants you to do.

I have come across quite a few of these demon fellows. Their mugs are painted on the sides of factories all over Southern India. The factories will be five-plus stories high and the demons face will cover the whole distance. It is unnerving.

At first, I didn't understand why some well-known Indian companies would want to put a 5-story-high demon-face on the side of their factory. You'd think that they would bring bad luck, or at the very least, be damaging to the company's brand image.

On further inquiry, I found that the satan-heads do quite the opposite. They bring on good luck, and help keep positive brand image.

How? Well, most Hindus are very superstitious. They think that if people stare at their factory it will bring bad luck to the company. So, they put up demon-faces to take peoples' stares off of the actual factory.

Lesson of the day: If you want to bring bad luck to a Hindu factory, stare at the non-demon areas.

july 21: dark secrets revealed, vol. 2

Above picture: Everyones eating fresh.

I made a deal with myself before I arrived in India. The deal was that I would eat only authentic Indian food. American fast food was double off limits in the deal.

Well, I broke down about two weeks into my stay and decided to throw down a Subway sandwich. I felt bad about breaking the deal, but not that bad.

I rationalized the guilt out of my conscience with two arguments.

First, it tasted much better than what Subway sandwich artists make back in the US. I think this is because Indians use much fresher and better ingredients than we do in America. All their vegetables look like they came straight out of a Harry and David's catalogue.

Second, I don't really count Subway as American fast food. It's so much healthier. And fresher. I feel good about Subway representing my country. The sandwich is a wonderful food.

~

I have since been a customer of this particular Subway four times. After breaking my deal a total of five times, I make my conscience feel better by thinking of this litte statistic. Of the 75-plus meals I've had since being here in India, I've eaten at Subway less than 6% of the time.

Lesson of the day: No matter how much I try to rationalize why eating at Subway is OK, it's not. Subway is not authentic Indian food.

july 20: dark secrets revealed, vol. 1

Above picture: The shady little business on the backside of my building.

I live on the backside of a nice building. So, when I go down the building's backside stairs I run into things that other people do not see. For instance, this shady little portal of business dealings.

The frontside of the building is nice. It has a bank, a nice outdoor restaurant "The Kebab House", and a fine goods emporium.

I never understood what this backside business actually did. All I knew was that they always had two guys sitting on those two chairs, nervously watching and waiting for something. Whenever I passed to go up the stairs to my room, the guys sitting on the chairs would never say hi or give me a nod. And they would stay until very late at night.

I began to think that they were in some kind of illicit business. Because every once in awhile a taxidriver (or auto-rickshaw) would pull up to the front of the building, walk through the passway, and go up to the guys sitting in front of the backside doorway. They would all go into the curtains, make a transaction, and the taxidriver (or auto-rickshaw) would walk out with nothing in his hands.

I started to get really interested in this conspicious little business. With this new interest I made a discovery. When taxidrivers (or auto-rickshaw) would show up on the front side of the building they didn't come alone. They would bring foreign businessmen and tourist-y looking people along with them.

The businessman or tourist would go into the fine goods emporium and the taxidriver (or auto-rickshaw) would go to the backside business. Here's the kicker: the backside business is the also the fine goods emporium. Go look at the sign above the door.

I am sure you are starting to piece this together. The fine goods emporium has a unwritten rule with taxidrivers and auto-rickshaw drivers. If they bring some to the store they get a small payment and if the person buys something they get 10% of the sale.

Above picture: The fine goods emporium AKA the tourist trap.

A typical conversation between a taxidrivers and a businessperson/tourist:

Taxidriver: You in Bangalore for a couple of days
Businessman/tourist: Yes. Take me to the best shopping.
T: I know just the place
~
T: Here's the place. You go check it out and I'll wait here and keep the engine running.
B/t: Thanks. Your special, most taxidrivers will just take their fare money and run.

Above picture: One of the shady guys who runs the backside business.

Above picture: Gotcha!

I was at the "Kebab House" watching the tourist trap in action. With my camera.

Above picture: An auto-rickshaw driver (in green) celebrating the fruits of this particular tourist trap.

Lesson of the day: Taxidrivers gotta get paid.